Ok, I have an apartment.

And I have a job.

But I am a "waschechte Wienerin". So I regard it as my duty to complain caus that´s part of our national identity. Even though, of course, I do it purely out of patriotic feelings and not because I really want to.

For friends of lists and/or Austrian souls:..a small collections of what you don´t want at work:

1. Patients who come too early and complain that they have to wait too long.
2. Patients who come too late and complain that they have to wait too long.
3. Patients with a distorted perception of their own physics, a wish to undergo plastic surgery, but a dread of plastic knives, surgeons´knives, needles, doctors´smocks...and basically everything needed to balloon-size their perfectly shaped breasts.
4. Patients that look at you from top till toe and say: Where I come from only doctors are allowed to do this kind of examination. (P.S.: Is there a plastic surgery to make you look older?)
5. Patients.

Tomorrow there will be a better day - with old grandmothers whose cheeks you wanna pinch.

Guide to be with the Homeless Rule # 1

If you are planning on doing some social research on the life of the poor in America, L.A. (and it doesn´t involve young actresses without talent, but full of longing for fame and fortune - caus it wouldn´t be worth the hassle), there is one convenient method for Austrians:

prostitute yourself for your job by doing clinic work and patient examinations that the specialist physician gets all the money for (in case you need some mental input on how to achieve that: take an american wanna-be actress as an example...it´s basically the same....just a little worse caus it´s not as easy as successfully performing a BJ on a producer full of coke and viagra).

Anyhow, in 6 months time you might be able to afford some travelling. And within 6 years you might be in a position as a specialist to finally retaliate by taking advantage of young doctors eager to learn more about medicine.. and about the living conditions of homeless Americans. If, well, if you really see that as a goal in life.

A brief respite

In America, the two preferred methods for delaying major life problems (e.g., homelessness) are 1) alcohol and 2) football. Relying on one of the above will get the job done; when you can accomplish both, eres un vagabundo en paraiso.

Guide to Being Homeless, Rule #2

When money is short, rely on your own natural & renewable resources to find your next meal.

Example: You are hungry. Mickey D's has your favorite golden-brown fried chicken products...but you don't have any billz or bling. Follow the simple 1-step plan of fellow Angelino Khadijah Baseer detailed below:

"A woman approached cars at a Mc Donalds drive-thru in Burbank, California offering sex for Chicken Mc Nuggets, KTLA-TV in Los Angeles reports. A customer said Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles offered him sexual services for his golden nuggets, but he declined. We do not know if she offered different services based the nuggets being a six, nine, or 20 piece."

Will this work for you? Hey...it could happen.

http://newsone.com/nation/newsonestaff6/prostitute-offers-sex-for-mcnuggets-khadijah-baseer/

"Child, what do you want to do with your future?"

...pictures say more than 1000 words

I have a home, baby

Guide to Being Homeless, Rule #1

Booze is an excellent currency to trade for shelter and/or more booze (just make sure you don't end up drinking it yourself to escape the pink flying elephants that chase you every time you snort old paint thinner found in a dumpster).

After the flat (or apartment as my American fellas would say)-situation had been resolved, the next hill was waiting to be climbed in the process of becoming rich, famous and even more awesome: jobsearch.

But where to begin?
Step 1: Trying to find out what you really want. As I am positive that I will still not have found an answer to that on my deathbed (oh wait, taking a closer look, that´s not so positive at all), let´s go to step 2: Getting a job where there is actually money involved (taking into account a bros´ advice: http://www.broslikethissite.com/2011/12/186-not-doing-volunteer-work.html).

So here I am, sitting in a cybercafé, calling one doctor after the other and drinking turkish tea that is as bitter as the aftertaste that every "no" from a possibly frustrated, chain-smoking unloved wife and underestimated secretary leaves behind.

As I am writing this, a phone-call: and a half-yes! A doctor who might take me, but is not sure if it would be counted for my job-experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiXEPZiDGzs

A picture symbolising my future: it could lead in all directions..to darkness or light.
Let me get a sip of Austrian quality wine caus it´s already 9:58 in the morning...of course I am not like an American...I go down with style and grace

The countdown begins.

Three more days of homefullness. After that, all donations may be sent to the alleyway between 6th St and Figueroa. Only malt liquor wrapped in paper bags accepted. Thank you in advance for your generosity.

(Euros also accepted)